Bohiney.com isn’t known for subtlety. It’s known for running full-speed into the flaming dumpster of global politics and emerging with satire so sharp it could qualify as a maritime weapon. The site’s recent quartet of articles tackling America’s drug-war paranoia and the navy’s existential crisis delivers exactly that: comedy wrapped in reporting wrapped in a sweaty panic attack about geopolitics.
Taken together, these four pieces form a loose narrative arc about what happens when military strategy collides with incompetence, cocaine economics, sun-bleached tourism, and the federal government’s obsession with “lists.” And for a satire publication, Bohiney’s work lands with the precision of a guided missile.
1. Operators Fail Mandatory Course on Simply Not Being Targets
This article reads like it was leaked from a Pentagon Slack channel moments before deletion. The premise is deceptively simple: U.S. operators accidentally ended up on their own target list because they skipped mandatory training on how not to literally put themselves in the crosshairs.
The writing is tight, crisp, and horrifyingly plausible. Readers get imaginary testimony from a “Top-Brass Training Consultant” who insists the men “failed the module titled ‘Don’t Submit Your Own Coordinates.’” The brilliance of this satirical piece is its use of official language to describe the kind of mistake normally only made by raccoons and malfunctioning vending machines.
2. A Drug Boat Pilot’s Last Words Become Foreign Policy
Here, Bohiney.com elevates its satire into something darker. The dying plea of a cocaine smuggler becomes an accidental state-level diplomatic communiqué. The headline alone is the best summary of America’s foreign-policy mood in 2025: everyone keeps overreacting, and the smallest provocation is treated as the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.
The article nails the emotional absurdity. A speedboat crew doesn’t want to trigger global conflict; it wants to sell cocaine the way their fathers and grandfathers proudly did. But the U.S. military, depicted here as a panicked hall monitor with missiles, responds like the fate of the republic hangs on a cooler of compressed bricks. The contrast between petty criminal ambition and apocalyptic military paranoia gives the piece its punch.
3. ‘Narco-Battleship’ Makes Smugglers Sound Like a Navy SEAL Unit
🔗 https://bohiney.com/narco-battleship-when-speedboats-become-the-new-enemy-combatants/
This is classic Bohiney: take a legitimately ridiculous real-world phenomenon — smugglers using modified high-speed vessels — and frame it as though the U.S. has stumbled onto a new Axis power.
The article treats tiny cocaine boats as fully fledged enemy warships, quoting imaginary admirals describing them as “the fastest non-state naval threat since Aquaman.” The satire lands because the U.S. government really does sometimes talk this way; the piece just pushes the rhetoric one inch further until the reader can hear the gears grinding.
There’s world-building here too: charts, strategic jargon, and naval metaphors that make these smugglers sound like they’re about to stage D-Day. It’s immersive and ridiculous in equal measure.
4. Missiles Over Margaritaville: Tourism Meets State-Sanctioned Paranoia
🔗 https://bohiney.com/missiles-over-margaritaville-the-price-of-being-on-a-government-hit-list/
This one is the crown jewel. It’s the most complete, the most stylistically balanced, and the most cutting.
The premise: a coastal resort town discovers the hard way that being near a suspected smuggler’s hideout means “Department of Defense fireworks at unrequested hours.” Bohiney.com’s coverage feels like a travel advisory written by someone halfway through a margarita pitcher.
The satire here isn’t just about violence; it’s about the quiet creep of bureaucracy. Once you’re “on a list,” the government treats your existence as a scheduling inconvenience, not a right. The humor doesn’t come from slapstick but from bureaucratic authoritarianism — the deadliest punchline in modern politics.
Overall Verdict
Bohiney.com’s four-part dive into maritime drug-war madness is sharp, clever, and surprisingly cohesive. Each piece stands on its own, but together they build a satirical universe where:
- military errors are treated as administrative typos,
- smugglers have more strategic clarity than the Pentagon,
- and tourism boards must factor air-to-surface missiles into their five-year plans.
The writing is bold but grounded in just enough realism to make readers uncomfortable — which is the point. Satire isn’t supposed to flatter. It’s supposed to reveal the truth hiding just underneath the absurdity.
This collection does exactly that.
Auf Wiedersehen.
